If you've discovered that your teen is self-harming, you're likely feeling scared, confused, and unsure of what to do next.
Advice offered by Tasha Belix, Child & Teen Psychologist in Calgary
Six Things to Understand About Self-Harm as You Navigate Finding Support.
1. Self-Harm Is a Coping Mechanism
Your teen may be using self-harm—most commonly cutting the forearms or upper thighs—to manage overwhelming emotions like anxiety, sadness, or numbness resulting from depression or trauma. It can provide temporary relief by triggering the release of endogenous opioids in the brain, which numb emotional pain in the moment. Think of it as a quick emotional escape.
However, self-harm doesn’t address the underlying issues that initiated the behavior. A major concern with any negative coping mechanism is that, over time, it often requires greater frequency or intensity to achieve the same effect. This is where counseling support can be particularly effective.
2. It’s More Common Than You Think
Research shows that about 1 in 10 teenagers will engage in self-harm, with girls being three times more likely than boys. Even high-achieving, well-liked teens—those who seem to be “rock stars in every area of life”—can struggle with emotional pain, often expressing it in ways that aren’t immediately visible. Cutting is a call for support and should never be minimized.
3. Self-Harm Is Not Necessarily Linked to Suicide
While self-harm, or non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), is a clear sign of emotional distress, it doesn’t necessarily mean your teen is suicidal. Still, it’s important to check in with your child about any thoughts of suicide and to schedule a mental health check-up with your family doctor as soon as possible. The next step is reaching out to a therapist who can help your teen develop healthier self-regulation strategies and explore the emotional roots of their distress. If your teen is reluctant to attend therapy, I strongly encourage parents to seek support themselves. Learning about this symptom and acquiring emotional coaching skills can significantly improve your ability to support your child (check out our blog on Emotional Coaching!).
4. Your Reaction Matters
Stay calm. Avoid shaming or punishing your teen. Instead, express genuine concern, listen without judgment, and work to create a safe space for them to talk about their feelings. Feeling deeply heard is a powerful starting point for healing. Work collaboratively with your teen to make a plan for support—whether it’s with a therapist, school guidance counselor, or another trusted adult—especially if they’re not yet comfortable talking with you about their emotional struggles.
5. Help Is Available Through Individual and Family Therapy
Many teens stop self-harming once they learn healthier coping strategies and begin to address the underlying emotional issues driving the behavior. Therapy can support open communication, shift unhelpful patterns of interaction, and help your family learn new skills to navigate emotional challenges together.
6. If You Need Immediate Help
If you are concerned about your child’s immediate safety, go to your local hospital’s emergency room for a risk assessment without delay.
Parents, no matter how overwhelmed or unprepared you may feel, your support can make all the difference.
This is a situation where guidance from a trusted and experienced teen and family psychologist can be invaluable. When we acknowledge the pain we see—manifested through behaviors like cutting—and support our loved ones in processing their emotions, the symptoms of self-harm and related mental health issues often lessen significantly.
If you’re a worried parent, please reach out to us for a free introductory call to see if one of our therapists might be a good fit for your family. At Belix Psychology, we believe deeply in the unshakable capacity for healing.
xx Tasha
Clinical Director, Author, Speaker & Psychologist
