Collective Wisdom from a recent workshop, facilitated by two dynamic Calgary Psychologists’ Tasha Belix & Kimberly Stainthorpe
We gathered with a small group of Dad’s and their Grade 6/7 daughter’s, to learn about this special relationship, talk about the practices that enhance this close connection and to prep everyone for the brain changes that are inevitable -and awesome- during the teen years.
A father’s influence in his daughter’s life is constant, powerful, and often underestimated. Whether in big moments or everyday interactions, dads are quietly shaping how their daughters see themselves, what they come to expect from others, especially from men through their lives.
If you’re a dad, you are setting the standard. (Gulp, no pressure!)
What research tells us about Fathers and Daughters
The evidence is clear: fathers matter -deeply.
Girls who grow up with engaged, emotionally present fathers tend to:
- Build healthier, more trusting relationships
- Show greater confidence and independence
- Perform better academically and professionally
- Be less likely to develop eating disorders
- Have reduced risk of early sexual activity and related challenges
- Be less likely to engage in harmful or antisocial behavior
On the flip side, a lack of father involvement is associated with higher risks in many of these areas.
Your presence isn’t just helpful -it’s protective.
You Are the Example She Carries Forward
Your daughter is always watching. The way you speak, the way you handle stress, the way you treat women -these become her reference points.
Over time, she builds an internal “blueprint” for relationships based on you. If she chooses to have a partner one day, the hope is simple: that she seeks someone who reflects the same respect, trust, and care she experienced at home or witnessed in co-parenting interactions.
That doesn’t require perfection. It requires emotional presence, intention, and consistency.
What Daughters Wish Their Dads Knew
At a recent dad & daughter workshop, girls shared honest, practical advice. Their insights were clear, surprisingly mature and deeply meaningful. Tattoo this on your forearm Dad’s:
- Ask first: “Do you want me to listen, or help problem-solve?”
- Validate feelings: Even if you don’t understand or agree, acknowledge what she’s feeling.
- Make time to talk: Conversations are easier when they’re not rushed.
- Hold back on fixing: Jumping straight to solutions can feel dismissive. Bite your tongue
- Stay calm during emotional moments: When she’s overwhelmed, your steadiness matters more than your words. Hint: soften your eyes, make your body smaller and use a soft tone of voice. Non-verbal’s speak loudly.
These are teachable skills, but they are counter-intuitive to so many parents who want to fix things, to take away their loved ones’ pain. But taking a pause and to choose to respond in a different way, can help to keep the communication lines open and make a lasting difference.
What Dads Hope For
When Dads imagined their future relationship with their daughter and spoke about the qualities they hoped for in that relationship, the themes are consistent:
- Open, honest communication, that goes both ways
- Emotional safety and trust
- The ability to share hard truths without fear of rejection by the other
- Accountability on both sides. Dads actually hope their adult kids call them on their crap!
- Ongoing quality time -even as they grow older
In short, Dad’s hoped for connection, closeness and an honest relationship where each could speak his or her mind.
The Modern Challenge: Growing Up in a Digital World
Today’s parents are navigating something new. Many dads expressed concern about raising daughters in a culture shaped by social media and constant comparison.
There’s less control than ever before. Even in supportive homes, girls are exposed to:
- Unrealistic standards of beauty and success
- Pressure to achieve and “keep up”
- Online interactions that can harm at any hour
- Quick-fix solutions for emotional struggles
It’s not surprising that many girls experience a dip in confidence during their teen years. Research suggests that by age 13, a significant number report lower self-esteem and increased concern about body image.
This doesn’t mean something is “wrong” -it means they need strong support systems and healthy role modelling when it comes to technology, wellness practices and healthy ways to manage big emotions. Having a close relationship with a Dad, is a protective factor in through life.
Why Some Tweens Feel Uneasy About Becoming Teens
Interestingly, many younger girls aren’t excited about becoming teenagers.
What they see isn’t always appealing:
- Media portrayals that glorify unhealthy behaviors
- Peer conversations centered around stress, appearance, or even despair
- A culture that can feel overwhelming rather than inspiring
For a girl who enjoys simple things, for example, family time, hobbies, creativity, the teenage world can look intimidating. Adults need to help to change this narrative. Being a teen can be an exciting time, full of new experiences, chasing passions and dreaming big about the future.
The reassuring truth is… Most teens (around 75%) navigate these years successfully, with normal ups and downs, and emerge just fine.
The Takeaway: Connection Over Perfection
You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to get it right every time.
What matters most is that your daughter knows:
- You’re available and keen to share in her world
- You’re listening, without jumping into problem-solving
- You respect her thoughts and feelings, even if they are different than yours
- You’re willing to grow alongside her
Strong daughters aren’t raised by perfect dads. They’re raised by dads who show up, stay curious, and keep trying.
Final words from Tasha… If you are a Dad that is reading this article and worries that too much distance has grown between you and your tween/teen daughter or feel totally unequipped to support this new phase in development, know that it is never too late to repair in a relationship or to learn to show up differently.… know that deep in your daughter’s heart, she is desperately waiting for this affirmation and connection with you.
Reach out to Belix Psychology -we’re in the business of helping to grow beautiful, imperfect and real families.
