If you’re a kid or teen and counselling has been suggested to you by someone in your life, you might have a lot of thoughts about it. Maybe you feel unsure, awkward, annoyed, nervous, or maybe you just really don’t want to go.
First, here’s something important to know: it’s okay not to be ready.
Counselling tends to be most helpful when someone actually wants to be there. If you feel like you’re being encouraged to try counselling before you feel ready, that feeling makes sense and may make your worries even bigger. You’re allowed to take time to figure out how you feel about it.
But sometimes something else is happening too. Sometimes a young person does feel curious about counselling, or thinks it might help, but still feels hesitant or worried about what it will be like. If that sounds like you, here are a few things I often want young people to know before their first session.
For parents reading this: it can be helpful to share this article with your child or teen and let them read it at their own pace. Sometimes simply understanding what counselling might look like can make the first step feel a little less intimidating.
1. The space can be whatever you need it to be
Many people imagine counselling as sitting in a chair and answering a lot of serious questions. Sometimes it can look like that, but it doesn’t have to.
Counselling can involve meaningful conversations, but it can also include games, drawing, crafting, talking about music or sports, sharing stories, joking around, or simply getting to know each other. Some days you might talk about difficult things, and other days you might not talk about them at all.
Sometimes counselling is also about noticing the things that are already going well in your life. We might talk about your strengths, the things you’re proud of, or moments where you handled something really well. Paying attention to those things can help you have more good moments and recognize the greatness that already exists in you.
The space is meant to feel comfortable and safe for you, not like a test you have to pass.
2. There are no expectations for how you should be
One of the biggest worries young people have about counselling is that they need to show up a certain way, that they should know exactly what to say, talk about deep feelings right away, or have everything figured out.
The truth is, you don’t have to perform in counselling.
You can be quiet.
You can say you’re unsure.
You can take your time getting comfortable.
You can even say “I don’t know” as many times as you need.
You can laugh.
You can talk about everyday things.
And sometimes you might cry too—and that’s okay.
Strong feelings are welcome in counselling. If tears happen, they’re simply a sign that something important is being felt, and there is space for that.
The only real expectation is that you show up as yourself, however that looks on that particular day.
3. Psychologists are real people, too
Sometimes it can feel intimidating to talk to a psychologist. You might imagine that we have everything figured out (trust me, we don’t).
The reality is much simpler: psychologists are people too.
We know that talking about difficult things can feel uncomfortable because we experience that in our own lives as well. We know what it’s like to meet someone new and feel unsure about where to start.
That slightly awkward “getting to know each other” stage?
We understand it, and we expect it.
Counselling isn’t about judging you or expecting perfection. It’s about two people talking in a space meant to help you feel heard, understood, and supported.
A final thought
You don’t have to decide everything about counselling before your first appointment. Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply show up once and see what it’s like.
You might decide it’s helpful.
You might decide you need more time.
Either way, your thoughts and feelings about the process matter and will be respected.
And if you do walk through that door, even while feeling unsure, that already says something important about you: you’re willing to give yourself a chance.
Kimberly Stainthorpe
M.A. Counselling Psychology
